Finding Myself In Wonderland 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

“I don’t much care where-”

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go”


I lost myself, that much I know. Reality sucks sometimes, it can hurt, but it can also make you stronger. I want to be stronger. I want to work on myself and do what I need to do in order to get back on the right track; in order to find myself. Unfortunately, I faced a dilemma that I am sure many of us have faced:

Where the hell do I start?

That question was the one thing keeping me from moving forward, at least in the regard of going about bettering myself. So I looked for answers. I asked for advice I didn’t want and many ideas on how I should go about it, but nothing seemed to resonate with me. I felt lost and confused. I was getting so many mixed signals and with my hurt feelings I didn’t know what to think or do. It was all so much that I stopped listening all together.

Fuck reality, I thought. Just fuck it all. 

That’s when realisation hit me. I didn’t have to do anything, not anything standard anyway. I didn’t have to go by a timeframe or begin at a particular spot. Just pick and go with it. It can be changing the way that you look, cleaning your space, cleansing your social media, meditating, yoga, etc., the possibilities are endless.

I mean look at Alice, she had no idea which way to go nor did it matter much. She just wanted to get somewhere, so any road would do.

I honestly had no idea where to start. The only thing I knew is where I wanted to end up: with a cleansed soul, self love, confidence, happiness, positivity, peace and as a better person. So what did I do? I started throwing out what was cluttering my life. I deleted the negativity off my social media and I decided to take a yoga class.

Let me just say I was scared, no, I was terrified. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. I was so ready and determined yesterday, like nothing could stop me and then this morning I felt sick and nervous. Except that wasn’t really me. That was my head coming up with excuses of why I couldn’t do it. It was ready to bail on my plans. These were excuses that weren’t real, that I was just making up because I was scared to go into the unknown alone, to try something new without the training wheels and someone holding my hand. 

Do you want to know what I learned: about yoga and about myself?

Yoga is hard. It takes physical and mental strength, constant breathing, focus, letting go of bad energy, receiving good energy, opening up yourself to the spiritual. It is also peaceful and inviting and positive. It is enlightening and empowering.

The yoga studio I went to, Enso yoga in Miami Springs, was a little piece of heaven. It was like a place out of Wonderland with its gardens , music, and incense. Everyone there was so friendly and inviting and ready to help. They were all amazing! (Especially the instructor Gricet Cisnero. An amazing person and so easy to talk to and full of light)

What I learned about myself: I had nothing to fear. I had my own strength within. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I was able to do what I intended to do. With a little help, I was able to do the poses even if for a short while. I was able to feel the energy and peace. I wasn’t alone. I was able to see inside myself and find my power, I was able to find some peace and let go of some things that were bothering me, things I had no control over. (That’s not an easy thing to do when you’re a control freak, but little by little, when you try to understand others perspectives and accept them for who they are, there is no need for complete and total control.)

You won’t make it in one day. If you thought it would be easy and that saying your changed in one day, that’s a lie. It takes time and effort like everything else in your life. However, you won’t make it at all if you don’t start somewhere.

So if you’re a little lost like me, that’s okay. You don’t have any rules on how to go about this, except whatever you do, make sure it is to better yourself. Start small, but start. And don’t stop. Don’t let fear keep you from going and from being the best person you can be. Don’t let fear make you believe that you aren’t good enough or strong enough because you are. You are as strong as you limit yourself to be and if you push through those limitations you will find that you are much stronger than you could have ever imagined.

“Follow your soul, it knows the way.”

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