Self-care; Self-love


Every once in a while we need to make time for ourselves, to be by ourselves and recharge. It’s not selfish to do this because it’s just you taking care of yourself. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

I am an introverted extrovert, best of both worlds, but my introverted self likes to take time away from the world and other people. It was something people used to call me antisocial for (mainly my family), but I began to realise that it wasn’t me being antisocial, it was me taking care of myself.

Certain people and situations tend to drain my batteries and leave me dull, tired, depressed, sad, and just wanting to be alone. So that is exactly what I do, I shut myself away from the world and focus on myself.

This is exactly what I did last night. While my boyfriend went off to the neighbors house to watch a soccer match, I couldn’t even fake enthusiasm. I was so tired of social interactions and anything having to deal with thinking and talking. I had a hell of a week trying to straighten up a car accident with the insurance agency and dealing with school and a very untastedul class and professor. I mean she tries me every class because I stood up to her about depression. (She was wrong and I was going to call her out on it.) I was just fine with dealing with people. I couldn’t. So I didn’t.

I stayed in the room watching tv and trying not to think. I picked up a book (Radical Self-love) and began to read and as I read I began to write. That did it. I was so engrossed in my writing that I didn’t mind being alone. I welcomed it. I enjoyed it. My batteries were well on their way to being charged. By the time my boyfriend got back I felt much better, happier, lighter, and less depressed. 

In no way was I trying to ignore my loved ones and my friends, but I can’t be around people when I’m drained. Drainage of my mind brings out the worst in me (i.e. Moodiness, depression, quietness, irritability, etc.) and that is not the person I want to share with the world, no, that is the person that I need to dedicate time to and take care of. 

This is probably one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. Take time out of your busy schedule to relax, focus on your mental health, get to know yourself, do what you like and what you want. Being alone with yourself allows you to become acquainted with yourself.

I do this to recharge. I do this because I love myself.

I have mentioned before how I suffer from mental health illnesses and more often than not you want to be alone. Luckily, I have been overcoming this and have been more outgoing and social, but being too social drains me. Being alone allows me to recharge my emotions and my mental being, otherwise I would be incapable of not only having a good time and experience, but also showing the healthy, brilliant, confident, and sociable side of myself. And that is who I truly am. I can’t truly be myself without taking care of myself first.

Like I said before, it’s not selfish. It is healthy and it is love. You need to dedicate time to yourself like you dedicate time to your job, education, friends, and family. There needs to be a balance, like everything in life. Find your form of self care and self love and do it. Do it often.

*Things I do to recharge:

  • Be alone
  • Watch tv
  • Draw/paint
  • Read
  • Write
  • Do my nails
  • Etc.

These are some of the things I do to recharge my mental batteries. Try them out. Don’t be afraid to spend time with yourself and get to know who you truly are.

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Family or Self Happiness

One of the toughest questions many have to face is, do we do what we can to make our family happy or what we need to do to make ourselves happy?

For many the answer will be different and for some it will be the same. However, only one answer will help you on your own path.

I have gone through so many situations in my life where I have chosen to help family and do what I have to just to make them happy, but I always suffered for it, just like I suffered last night. Let’s just say my mother decided to drag me into her problems and I was faced with either helping her in a time of need or forfeiting and doing what is best for myself. I wanted to do the latte, but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was in the middle of a drama I had no part in and my mother didn’t appreciate it. No, I had to stay and pick up after her. But I was done. I wasn’t going to pick up after her mess when I had my own problems and life I had to deal with.

My entire life I had spent trying to make others happy and this year I decided to make myself happy and stronger and focus on what will make me happier, my own life, and fixing my own problems.

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So when faced with the aforementioned question, for me, choosing my own happiness is the right path.I have been hurt and scorned too many times to do what others think I should and trying to get others approval. I am done with that because I realised that I don’t need their approval at all, especially not to be happy. I am not going to risk my mental health and happiness for anyone. Sure I may sound like a bad person, unappreciative, etc., but nothing anyone says is going to change or deter me.I am always there for those I love, but sometimes, for their own well-being, as well as ours, you have to put your foot down and say no.

In this life, many want us to be their very own enablers and then they will stab you in the back when they don’t get that. (I don’t mean literally or even to the extent that I make it sound.) You have to be the strong one, the thinker, the empathetic yet strict one. You cant give everyone what they want and lose yourself in the process. I will not do that to myself anymore.

One of the reasons I started this journey is so that I can find my own strength and happiness not so that I can keep throwing myself under the bus for others.

Open Minds; Open Hearts

Depression*. Such a heavy topic, but one that needs to be addressed.

*This is a very real topic and there are real situations in this post that may trigger and or bother some. Please read with caution, understanding, and an open heart.

 


I suffer from major depressive disorder and bipolar disorder. The only way that I can function like a normal person is by taking medication. It doesn’t always work and someday’s are better than others. It is an illness and there is no cure. I am fine with that because I have accepted it in my life and have learned how to live a happy and healthy life despite the struggles that it causes.

Now that I have addressed my own personal mental illness, let me just say that mental illnesses are no joke. They are illnesses that tear apart the lives of people we love and sometimes we don’t even realize it.

This past week, a beloved son and friend killed himself because of depression. He was a man who loved and cared about the world and the people in it. He loved making others laugh. Nobody really knew how bad the world affected him.

This hit close to home because there have been many times where I have sunk deep into this illness and wanted no more. Fortunately, I learned how to love myself, but that is a process I fight to keep each and every day because I am not cured. I still suffer at times, but I can control it better. One of the reasons that I started this journey of radical soul cleansing;this is why I read books that help me learn to deal, why I read books that help me learn to love myself and become stronger. I was and am fortunate, but not everyone is.

Last week, in one of my education classes in college I had an argument (for lack of a better word) with my professor (whom is currently working on a Ph.D). She stated that everyone has depression and that through higher education (a.k.a. going to college) you can overcome it. After having a friend who committed suicide and suffering from mental illness myself, I could not excuse her uneducated analysis of mental illnesses.

My hand shot up into the air violently and my mouth opened with a harsh “excuse me, but no.” I clearly explained to her and everyone in the class, who prior to my interruption seemed to find the topic hilarious, that depression is not something you can cure with higher education. Sure, being educated allows you to learn about the illnesses and learn how one can better deal with it. I have been educated my entire life and am still seeking education (I am working towards becoming an elementary school teacher) and I suffer from depression, along with another mental illness.

It is unfortunate how many people have no knowledge or understanding of these illnesses. How they can laugh about it because they have never had to deal with it. They have no idea how much people suffer and what it can lead to. To them it’s a joke. “Just get over it!” they say. “Stop worrying.” If it were that easy, don’t you think we would stop? Don’t you think we want to stop? Of course we do. It’s not fun. But it’s also not easy.

I have started this journey to help myself and realize how strong, beautiful, and amazing I am. To stop myself from worrying about yesterday and about tomorrow. To one day help those around me. And to have a happy and healthy life that I can be proud of.

I have become very outspoken since I began. I will no longer be a bystander, but I will stand up and fight for what I believe in. I will do the things that make me happy, feel stronger and more confident despite what everyone else may think or be doing. I am going to be the person I should have been from the beginning. I am going to please my soul before anyone else. I think that is the path to becoming truly happy and truly oneself. I hope others can follow this example and be the amazing people that they want to be despite the struggles. It is hard, but it is worth it.

Finding Myself In Wonderland 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

“I don’t much care where-”

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go”


I lost myself, that much I know. Reality sucks sometimes, it can hurt, but it can also make you stronger. I want to be stronger. I want to work on myself and do what I need to do in order to get back on the right track; in order to find myself. Unfortunately, I faced a dilemma that I am sure many of us have faced:

Where the hell do I start?

That question was the one thing keeping me from moving forward, at least in the regard of going about bettering myself. So I looked for answers. I asked for advice I didn’t want and many ideas on how I should go about it, but nothing seemed to resonate with me. I felt lost and confused. I was getting so many mixed signals and with my hurt feelings I didn’t know what to think or do. It was all so much that I stopped listening all together.

Fuck reality, I thought. Just fuck it all. 

That’s when realisation hit me. I didn’t have to do anything, not anything standard anyway. I didn’t have to go by a timeframe or begin at a particular spot. Just pick and go with it. It can be changing the way that you look, cleaning your space, cleansing your social media, meditating, yoga, etc., the possibilities are endless.

I mean look at Alice, she had no idea which way to go nor did it matter much. She just wanted to get somewhere, so any road would do.

I honestly had no idea where to start. The only thing I knew is where I wanted to end up: with a cleansed soul, self love, confidence, happiness, positivity, peace and as a better person. So what did I do? I started throwing out what was cluttering my life. I deleted the negativity off my social media and I decided to take a yoga class.

Let me just say I was scared, no, I was terrified. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. I was so ready and determined yesterday, like nothing could stop me and then this morning I felt sick and nervous. Except that wasn’t really me. That was my head coming up with excuses of why I couldn’t do it. It was ready to bail on my plans. These were excuses that weren’t real, that I was just making up because I was scared to go into the unknown alone, to try something new without the training wheels and someone holding my hand. 

Do you want to know what I learned: about yoga and about myself?

Yoga is hard. It takes physical and mental strength, constant breathing, focus, letting go of bad energy, receiving good energy, opening up yourself to the spiritual. It is also peaceful and inviting and positive. It is enlightening and empowering.

The yoga studio I went to, Enso yoga in Miami Springs, was a little piece of heaven. It was like a place out of Wonderland with its gardens , music, and incense. Everyone there was so friendly and inviting and ready to help. They were all amazing! (Especially the instructor Gricet Cisnero. An amazing person and so easy to talk to and full of light)

What I learned about myself: I had nothing to fear. I had my own strength within. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I was able to do what I intended to do. With a little help, I was able to do the poses even if for a short while. I was able to feel the energy and peace. I wasn’t alone. I was able to see inside myself and find my power, I was able to find some peace and let go of some things that were bothering me, things I had no control over. (That’s not an easy thing to do when you’re a control freak, but little by little, when you try to understand others perspectives and accept them for who they are, there is no need for complete and total control.)

You won’t make it in one day. If you thought it would be easy and that saying your changed in one day, that’s a lie. It takes time and effort like everything else in your life. However, you won’t make it at all if you don’t start somewhere.

So if you’re a little lost like me, that’s okay. You don’t have any rules on how to go about this, except whatever you do, make sure it is to better yourself. Start small, but start. And don’t stop. Don’t let fear keep you from going and from being the best person you can be. Don’t let fear make you believe that you aren’t good enough or strong enough because you are. You are as strong as you limit yourself to be and if you push through those limitations you will find that you are much stronger than you could have ever imagined.

“Follow your soul, it knows the way.”